This past weekend was the weekend I was to be in Rosemary Beach Florida with my Rodan and Fields team. I literally have looked forward to it for a year. I’ve done a lot of soul searching about how I’m feeling about missing this and about missing our annual spring break trek to Destin, Florida.
I shared this with my team on Friday (we meet on zoom calls every weekday at 1:00 pm). What I shared was the amount of guilt that I feel for various reasons, and really it could just be the catholic in me, so maybe I need to change the word guilt for grateful……
I am healthy, my family is healthy, my extended family (including my 80+ year old aunts and my brother & sister with diabetes) are healthy. I have a job (actually I have two jobs as I earn an income with Rodan and Fields as well) that still pays me and allows me to work from home. My husband has a job that allows him to work from home and still be paid, as well as his military retirement. I have a wonderful, warm solid house over my head, all the bills are paid and the refrigerator is full. I have plenty of toilet paper (if you’re reading this years from now, THE item that was scarce during this time was toilet paper). I have neighbors I can talk with over the fence, I have friends I FaceTime with and Zoom with. I have health insurance. My children are safe, although my son just went back to work full time last week in a retail job so that causes me a little worry and need for more prayers. I have time to get exercise, work on some home projects, catch up on Netflix, play card games and do puzzles with my family. I have all of this to be thankful for (plus so much more I am sure).
But there is also mourning going on in our house, I think that is an apt word for it, and this is where my guilt comes in…. the mourning for things that the world considers “first world problems”.
My daughter is a college senior, she is missing out on all of those last semester memories, she is missing out on commencement, she is missing out on lasts with her dear friends and roommates, she is struggling with job searching right now, as everyone is “on hold”. Her future that looked so bright just 2 months ago has been darkened with uncertainty. Her spring break immersion trip was cancelled, her final trip with her best friends was cancelled.
My son plays college baseball, they had the ‘best team’ in the history of the school, probably their opinion, but the talent was there along with good leadership and great team dynamics. They were looking forward to a solid run to the World Series, as well as their first year playing on their brand new field….cancelled. He’s shifted his whole perspective and life plan because of this.
We missed out on our annual spring break trip to Destin with about 60 of our dear friends, the only other time we missed was the year Mark’s dad passed away. This is something we look forward to all school year long. Michigan winters are tough, not always the coldest, and not always with the most snow, but with a lack of sunshine and ability to go outside. We need that massive dose of vitamin D to get us to the end of the school year, it is truly what gets us through those gray days of January, February and March. Cancelled.
My Rodan + Fields team lives all over North America, literally! Juneau, Alaska; Ontario, Canada; Virginia, Tennessee, Florida, Michigan, Alabama, New York, Oregon, Texas, North Carolina, Missouri, and more! We meet twice a year, once in Rosemary Beach for a retreat and once at Convention, wherever that is. This year ~ cancelled… and I would be very surprised if convention wasn’t cancelled as well, at least in person convention.
My husband is a proud member of the American Legion (he did 30 years of active duty Air Force) and he truly has a servant’s heart. He initiated and installed a strong (one of the 2 strongest in Michigan) Boys’ and Girls’ State contingent. He works on that all year long and then goes with them the 3rd week in June…. cancelled.
All these are obviously necessary cancellations, but they sting nonetheless. There are all kinds of emotions attached to those cancellations; disappointment, sadness, anger, fear, resignation… all of the ‘grief’ emotions. And I guess my whole objective today was first, to say it’s okay to feel these, even if it appears that you “have it good” (because there are some people who are really, really in dire straights out there), it’s still okay to have YOUR feelings. and secondly to have hope! This too shall pass, we will get back to our daily lives, hopefully better, kinder and more grateful than we were before. Destin will be there, I learned that the last time we missed. Your friends will still be there, your team is still there, your family is still here……So I ask that you be kind, be patient, show compassion and show grace.
And PS…. GRACE is one of my very favorite words…. maybe a subject for tomorrow’s blog!