Whether we know it or not, life of full of transitions, and they are hard. Another word would be change. Humans, people, don’t like change ( for the most part-there is a small percentage who love and embrace it.)
I’m a school secretary so I have about 10 weeks off every summer. I love my job. I should use an exclamation point there… I love my job! I’ve got the best of all worlds, from 3 and 4 year olds who tell it to you like it is, share their love unconditionally and constantly make you giggle to middle schoolers who NEED love unconditionally and who need a good giggle every now and again. I share this because come the middle of August, after spending 8 weeks or so waking up when I want, enjoying coffee and quiet time at my leisure, I have to set the alarm and go into work 8 hours a day. I DREAD when that happens, and don’t forget- I LOVE my job. But it’s that transition, that change from free to schedules that brings the angst. Now just so you know once one I’m there and the first day begins, that feeling disappears and I’m all in again for a new school year.
I saw this transition trouble again this past week because preschool started. The first week of preschool is TOUGH! They all LOVE being at school and being on the classroom, they love their teacher and seeing their friends but the transition from home time to school time is tough and the transition from being with mom to mom leaving the building is even tougher. It’s not that they don’t like being there, it’s not even that they necessarily want their mom to stay, it’s that transition, that change from mom being there to mom not being there. Give them 5 minutes, 10 for the toughest cases and they are fully engaged and forget all about that emotional hurricane they produced when mom went to leave. And let me just share this with you, it is SO MUCH harder on us moms than it is on them. Seriously, they get over it FAST, we moms on the other hand feel like someone has ripped right into our chest and crushed our mommy hearts. The feelings are overwhelming; guilt, sadness, remorse, heartbreak… they’re all there. But mommas please be kinder to yourselves. Your cherubs will be over it by the time you get to work. Grab that pain, embrace it for a few moments and let it go! And know that it’s not you, it’s not school, it’s not their friends or their teacher, it’s transition, it’s change and we all feel it, young, old, men woman. Heck they even write books about it: “Who Moved My Cheese”.
Wait until you have the transition from full house, active teens to empty nester! Whew, that was a tough one for me. It took a couple weeks of tears, weird feelings, anger, frustration for me to look at Mark and say “ Woah, this is harder than I thought, can we make some adjustments to our life together to help us with this”. BEST. CONVERSATION. EVER!!!
If you look at the list of high stressors in life, they all involve change: new job, moving, death of a loved one. So I think the best approach ( all this is in the “my humble opinion concept”, I’m certainly no psychologist) is to just cut ourselves a little slack, stop and be aware of where these feeling come from and have a conversation!